


The Weight of Years

by rainbow_writer



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, Grief, M/M, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26405500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbow_writer/pseuds/rainbow_writer
Summary: 15 years after Firelord Ozai was defeated, Aang returns to visit Firelord Zuko, whilst the death of Uncle Iroh weighs heavily on the latter.
Relationships: Aang/Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong/Sokka
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	The Weight of Years

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Penndragon27](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penndragon27/gifts).



The still of night and the wisps of light air that danced playfully, contrasted with the mood that Fire Lord Zuko felt in his bones. The man in question stood on a balcony close to his chambers, hoping to be soothed by the calm that radiated around him. The atmosphere that enveloped him did little to improve his mood though. Instead, it antagonized him, serving as a reminder that he had not achieved a more restive state.

Tomorrow, diplomats from every nation would arrive to discuss matters of state, and the future of the world. In the years that he had been Fire Lord, Uncle Iroh had been at his side for each of these annual discussions, but that time had passed. The man who had been more of a father to him than his own had passed peacefully in his sleep a fortnight beforehand. Even so, his duties did not cease because a family matter had occurred. The Fire Nation had grieved, no one more than him, but still, he had a duty to his living subjects not to allow grief to overtake him.

Zuko huffed, then turned his back to the night before him. Perhaps, it would be best if he burnt off steam before another night of restless sleep.

The sound of footsteps touching the ground behind him made Zuko stop in his tracks. Only one person could drop to his feet in such a graceful manner, on top of a balcony so far up. Without turning around, the Fire Lord was aware that he was now in the presence of the Avatar. The sound of Aang closing his glider confirmed as much.

"I came again as soon as I could."

Another night, his visit might have been more welcome, but not this one.

"I did not ask for you to come back."

Even as the words left his mouth, Zuko felt regret for having uttered them. Uncle Iroh would have been ashamed.

"I can leave if you want."

The remorse of his previous terse reply chastised Zuko into calming himself. Aang had done nothing to warrant such a bitter emotion thrown his way.

"No. I apologize. I was wrong to lash out at you."

Zuko then pivoted on his feet to face Aang. 

The bald monk stood before the Fire Lord, his face calm as he waited for further instruction. Clothed in the Airbending robes he had an affinity for still, Aang remained in a stance of ease with his glider turned staff in his left hand, and his free arm hanging by his other side.

The man Aang had morphed into from the boy Zuko had met years ago was similar in outward appearance, but carried himself with the knowledge of years long gone by still within him. He was a man who had defeated evil, survived a number of dangerous feats, and lived to tell the tale, in the only way he knew how: with humility.

Zuko realized he had appraised his friend for longer than was necessary. With a quick motion of the hand, he signaled for Aang to follow him. If he was to burn off steam, and Aang meant to help him, then a sparring match seemed to be in order. Whether the Avatar knew he had agreed to the fight or not, regardless, he would discover soon enough what the Fire Lord intended for them.

As it was late in the evening, most of the occupants of the palace were asleep, or near to it. Zuko felt the eyes of the guards that remained standing watch, but he walked past them all and dismissed the glances he felt following them as they went further into the capitol building. Aang's footsteps echoed dutifully beside his own, as they matched each other step for step. The sounds of their footfalls echoed in the cavernous halls.

After much walking, the two arrived outside of the training room that Zuko frequented by himself or with others should he wish to polish up his skills away from prying eyes. Reaching out, he opened the door and allowed Aang to enter, before shutting it behind them both after he entered.

The room itself was massive, and it allowed a great space for all manner of fighting styles. 

Upon finding himself in the room that Zuko had led them to, rather than speaking, Aang began to back up against the opposite side of the arena. It was clear that he understood what Zuko intended for them. After readying himself into a beginning fighting stance, he stood, waiting for the young Fire Lord's first move.

For his part, Zuko allowed the unnecessary portions of his clothes to fall to the ground, having begun loosening them as he tracked Aang's movements. Then, he walked to stand where he should, opposite of the Avatar. 

With the knowledge that Aang would not engage him first, as his style was that of patience and evasion, rather than sudden strikes or other forms of provocation, Zuko moved forward towards the Avatar, who remained in wait for him to begin.

* * *

The match was one for the books. It would have roused a whole stadium to its feet, were they to have had any spectators. As Zuko had hoped, by the time they finished, both ended it with more exhaustion than before. Their muscles ached, so afterward they both sank against the opposite wall that Aang had stood in front of when they began.

Chests bare, heaving to regain more airflow, the two men began concerted efforts to steady their breathing. Zuko, now more tranquil than before, was the first to speak. 

"Thank you. I needed that."

"I couldn't tell at all."

A smirk accompanied the reply, which caused Zuko to briefly smile for a moment in response. 

His brief joy dissipated though when he remembered why Aang had come.

The loss cut deep.

Seeming to sense his sudden mood shift, Aang rose to his feet and held out his hand. 

"What would you say to a piping hot cup of tea?"

Zuko considered not taking it, but he figured, what did he have to lose?

Tea had never been a beverage that Zuko cared for. In stark contrast, Uncle Iroh had tea leaves for every occasion. His brewing methods could turn an ordinary cup into an extraordinary one. That alone is what prompted the young Fire Lord to take up regular consumption of it in years past. He had yet to shake the habit. Now with Iroh gone, he doubted that he ever would.

In a reversal of roles, after donning their clothes and leaving the training room behind, Aang led the way to the main kitchen. At the current hour, no one would have been there, so it was perfect for both of them to be alone. As with before, eyes followed them, no doubt curious as to why the Avatar and the Fire Lord were spending so much time together in the wee hours of the morning, with decorum and caution thrown to the wind. 

Zuko could not find it in him to care. 

When the two men reached the hub of all culinary art within the Fire Nation's capitol building, Zuko made for the tea leaves. However, Aang waved him away. After setting down his staff, he walked to the area Zuko had begun to prepare the water and shooed him off to one of the chairs around a counter island. With less practiced hands, the Avatar put together two steaming cups of green tea that were no doubt less impressive than Uncle Iroh's, but Zuko was grateful all the same. 

Instead of taking up a seat opposite the Fire Lord, Aang chose to place himself in a bar stool directly to Zuko's left, after placing the cups down for them. Zuko made no mention of the unusual arrangement, instead choosing to blow off some of the steam that rose from his drink. Silently, the two did much of the same, until Aang spoke up. 

"Iroh was a great man. He raised you well, Zuko. Were it not for him, you and I would not be here. The world as it is might not be, either."

Truer words had never been spoken, in Zuko's opinion. 

Silence slipped through them, for only a moment, before Zuko spoke up.

"Thank you, for being here. You didn't have to come."

"I know. I wanted to though."

Zuko could find no sufficient reply, and as this was a personal visit, he was not required to supply one. Owing to that fact, he chose to remain silent.

Together the two sipped their drinks until they were gone. Zuko, for lack of much else to do, rose and took the cups over to the sink for hand washing. Aang bent the air and dried them when he finished. 

With nothing else to occupy him, Zuko turned around and crossed his arms. 

"Will you be here tomorrow, to participate in the negotiations?"

Aang nodded.

"It would be frowned upon if I wasn’t."

Zuko understood that, much as he loathed formal visits. 

"We have no shortage of spare rooms. If you would like to stay, you are more than welcome to.”

Zuko lapsed into silence. Rather than diverting his attention away from Aang though, he maintained eye contact instead and held the man’s gaze. His features were skilled at the art of lying, but his eyes never followed suit. 

Aang was the first to cast his eyes elsewhere.

“There would be no point to leaving now, but sleep is less of an option and more of a hope.”

Zuko, who had attempted not to stare too hard at Aang, now took advantage of this admonition and scrutinized the Avatar. Though his eyes were open, below them hung dark shadows, which denoted the lack of sleep he had alluded to. There were creases in his skin that were not there in his earlier years of youth. His eyes, Zuko also noted, were dull in comparison to the orbs that were normally alight with youthful exuberance.

“When was the last time you slept well?”

Aang closed his eyes and thought. 

He was silent for so long after that Zuko wondered if he was being ignored. That is until Aang opened his eyes and spoke.

“Katara, Sokka and I made camp together here in a spare room after I defeated your father.”

Zuko gasped.

“That was over fifteen years ago!”

Aang shrugged the added, “Being the Avatar does not afford me much time for rest, or personal time.”

The words burst forth from Zuko’s mouth before he could retract them, “Yet, here you are.”

“Here I am,” Aang echoed.

His voice conveyed the exhaustion his body and mind must have felt, Zuko determined. 

“Why are you here?”

Aang sighed.

“I wanted to see you.”

Silence crept up upon them, then like a thief, stole their ability to speak in the aftermath of Aang’s admission.

Zuko shook his head, wondering if he would regret this, then turned on his heel and tread towards the exit door. 

Aang’s footsteps sounded out into the seconds after his footfalls did. They were not in step, but they moved in unison. 

Upon arriving at their destination, Zuko spoke a few hushed words to the guards, which amounted to him expressing his desire to be left alone until he departed from his room. 

Once behind the sanctity of his closed doors, Zuko made for his bed and began divesting himself of clothing. After doing so, he excused himself to clean the grime of the day from his body.

When he returned, he found Aang lying on a futon, positioned on the balcony upon which their night together had begun. Aang’s clothes were strung up to dry in the breeze, while he had taken it upon himself to don a set of garments from Zuko’s own wardrobe.

“I hope you don’t mind. I might have left my spare clothes behind in the saddle bag with Appa down below.”

“Not at all. Sleep well.”

“You too, Zuko.”

With that, the two men laid themselves down in their separate sleeping areas. Had it been any other night, Zuko might have fallen to sleep sooner, but it was not so simple during that particular one. Whether that be because of Aang’s presence, or the ache of Iroh’s absence, he could not pinpoint it. However, his body, even with eyes shut, did not allow for slumber. The Avatar, he would wager, felt the same.

Turning over so that he could face Aang, Zuko found the younger man’s eyes already gazing his way. Aang’s eyes grew larger, but he did not utter a single word still.

At some point, the two fell asleep because the next noise that either heard was the raucous slam of someone’s fist onto the main door of the room. A guardsmen’s shout alerted Zuko that his day had commenced with a late start.

Quickly, he hopped from bed, and found that the borrowed clothes and his futon were replaced to their original spots as if they had never been displaced. Aang, and his own clothes were nowhere to be found. Disregarding this, Zuko readied himself in haste, so as not to arrive at the meeting too late. He was the host, and it would be in poor taste on his part, after all, if he were to do so. 

Thoughts of Aang and the odd night before were shelved to where he could remove them to think over at a later date. Right then though, he was the reigning Fire Lord, and he had duties to attend to.

* * *

Negotiations had gone well, all things considered. There had been arguments, as there were every year. Zuko had kept a level head, in spite of them. As host of the current year’s discussions, he could ill afford to lose control of his anger. Aang’s constant hovering presence, though made out to be one of indifference, was a welcome one against the slew of unfamiliar but determined faces around him.

In the hectic frenzy that was the Fire Nation’s guests retiring to their borrowed rooms for the evening after the banquet, Zuko had lost Aang though. A sadness had settled over him that he did not particularly wish to explore just yet. Owing to this fact, he had returned to his own chamber alone. No sooner had he entered and shut the door though, did a sound catch his attention from behind.

A knock, much softer than what the Fire Lord was accustomed to hearing, sounded out from his chamber door. 

No sooner than he swung the door open, did he find Aang standing before him. 

“May I come in?”

“Yes.”

With the door shut firmly behind them, Zuko remained stationed near it, as he watched Aang unceremoniously drop down to place himself atop the futon he had claimed for his own the previous night. There, with his staff at his feet, he allowed the façade to crack as he dropped his head into his hands.

Zuko liked to think that he had become better with emotion over time. Therefore, despite the welling trepidation he felt pooling up inside of him, he stepped forward, until he was close enough to crouch down before his friend. 

In as soft of a voice as he could manage, he asked, “Are you alright?”

Aang lifted his head, and met Zuko’s gaze.

“Just dandy. The better question, your Fieriness, is how are you?”

Zuko smirked out of habit. However, he knew that the humor was merely a distraction.

A warmth bloomed in his chest to accompany the smirk though, and soon he was overwhelmed by the comfort he felt at being so close to Aang, despite the reason. In an effort to distance himself, he rose to his full height and turned his back so that he could remove his ceremonial robes and frivolous metal adornments befitting of a Fire Lord.

A sound of movement behind Zuko caused him to turn as he was just beginning his task. Aang had stood up, and marched himself over to where Zuko stood.

“Allow me?”

His voice was questioning, but his eyes were determined.

Zuko found himself nodding.

In unpracticed hand movements, Aang took the weight of the ceremonial robes from Zuko, and placed them across a spare chair sitting out at random. Under garb was all that remained, and Zuko himself shed that, as it was a rare occasion that he did sleep with clothing that covered his chest.

Zuko then found himself being guided to the seat that sat in front of his meditation desk. Once there, Aang removed the metal accents that had adorned the black hair before him for the majority of the day. Afterwards, he floated them to land in a graceful manner atop the surface in front of them. 

Zuko heard retreating footfalls afterward.

Closing his eyes, he inhaled, praying for wisdom in this moment. Then, he stood and walked toward Aang.

Proper decorum dictated the majority of their lives. Away from prying eyes though, it held no place of importance.

Zuko placed his right hand atop Aang’s right shoulder. The man did not jump, but he made no other response either.

“I want to thank you for your visit. Every moment that he has been gone, I’ve felt off kilter. You being here has given me a semblance of normalcy.”

Aang bowed his head, but did not shrug the hand from his shoulder.

“You’re welcome, Zuko. Anytime.”

The voice was sincere, and held a warmth that Zuko wondered if he deserved.

As his mind began to traverse down that line of thought, Aang turned to him, and soon Aang’s eyes were the only thing that Zuko could see. He could have looked away, if he so desired. Standing before him, seen not as the Fire Lord, but just himself though, he could scarcely find a reason to. 

Their heads tipped toward each other slowly, and soon there were arms wound around one another. It was a hug, much like the first one they had shared, all of those years ago. Unlike then though, both men were of equal stature in that moment. Before he could think better of it, Zuko found himself laying his head upon Aang’s chest.

Aang shouldered his weight as tears began to fall freely. This man who held him had razed whole mountains, and taken ones down too, with only his hands. He was a tool of the earth, utilized to do the will of the world, but there he stood, holding onto Zuko as if he were more important than any single thing he could be doing out in the great beyond. It was humbling, as well as comforting.

When the well had run dry, Zuko lifted his head, and began to swipe away his tears. Aang reached up and stopped his hands, just as he had done with the tea earlier that morning. Again, the Fire Lord allowed it. With careful movements, the pads of Aang’s thumbs deftly moved across the skin below Zuko’s eyes, which effectively removed the tears that had remained behind after his own attempts. 

“Fair warning - I’m not sure what I’m doing here.”

“That makes two of us, because neither do I.”

Aang smiled, and a part of Zuko’s heart leapt within his chest.

The feeling was a foreign one, but not unwelcome. For the first time in days, he knew what he wished to do. To prove it, Zuko moved to press his lips against Aang’s. 

The kiss was slow, but tempered with the heat of previously unacknowledged feeling behind it. As the two curled around each other again, the leftover uncertainty that Zuko had clung to earlier all but dissipated. It was only when the they first broke apart for air that he chose to raise his final concerns.

“What are we doing?”

“I would have thought that was obvious.”

Aang’s grin was more devilish now, with his well-kissed lips, and ruffled clothes. 

Were Zuko not so tense, this might have amused him.

“Why are you kissing me? Is it because you feel a duty -”

“Zuko, stop.”

The playful gleam in Aang’s eyes had been replaced with a tranquil look. His facial features had softened as well.

“I care for you.”

It was all too simple. 

“But why? Why me? Why not Katara or-”

“Zuko, please. Listen to me.” Aang paused, to make sure he had garnered the man’s attention, then said, “If I had wanted someone else, I would not be here, kissing you.”

Zuko knew he should not second guess, not after all they had been through. However, it was exactly for that reason that he did question what on earth could make the Avatar wish to be alone with him over any other person. After all, Zuko could not bear him children who may repopulate the Airbenders. He could not offer Aang the solace before death with the knowledge that his people would go on. All he could do was remain a reminder of what had come to pass. Why would his companion wish for that?

His mind was in circles but Aang reached out and grasped either side of his face. He moved slowly enough that if Zuko wished to pull away he could. When there had been no condemnation of his plan, Zuko felt Aang pull him forward, and once again their lips met. This time, Aang, deepened the kiss. No longer was it single presses of lips, but there was tongue involved, and open mouths where moans escaped. Not long after that had begun, Aang weaved his fingers through the straight lengths of Zuko’s hair. Together, they found themselves wound around each other.

A knock interrupted them though soon after, which inevitably led to their disentanglement. Aang walked toward the balcony, still clothed enough to be decent, were someone to spy him from any single vantage point around them. Zuko, on the other hand, went for the door after smoothing out his hair, and donning an upper body slip to cover his bare chest. 

Zuko noticed that Aang had his back turned as he opened the door. 

The visitors, it turned out, were none other than Toph, Katara, and Sokka. Each had their own lives, but they had all been invited to the discussions that had taken place earlier in the day. After the defeat of the Fire Lord Ozai, each had emerged as leaders of their own nations, and therefore had earned seats at the yearly Four Nation meetings. 

Zuko stepped aside, allowing them to see where Aang stood across the room. However, rather than walking past him in favor of going on to see the Avatar, all three looked to him with kind eyes. Katara, of course, was the first to speak.

“Iroh was a good man. We were sorry to hear that he had passed.”

Zuko swallowed, willing the bitter words he felt at the tip of his tongue to bury themselves deep within him. He knew that Katara meant well.

“Thank you. His passing was sudden, but I am grateful to have had many years with him beforehand. He was the father I never thought I would have.”

The truth tasted like acid, but Iroh’s memory deserved nothing less. 

Katara, Toph, and even Sokka nodded, each of them knowing that no words would do Iroh’s loss justice. Soon, he found himself engulfed by not only Katara’s arms, but Toph’s and Sokka’s as well. Aang, Zuko noticed, as his eyes felt drawn towards him again, was making his way to them all now. Standing to where most of his body held Zuko, he embraced the Fire Lord as the others did. For some time, they all stood together in silence, no one moving or saying a word. It was them though, and that would not last for long. 

“Alright, that’s enough togetherness time for me,” Sokka said, and then removed himself

from their hug.

Katara scoffed, but she released her hold too, and then Toph followed. Aang stepped aside, but did not stray far from Zuko. Zuko’s eyes must have shown his surprise, because Katara was looking between them. Sokka was distracted, and seemed to be drawn towards the window, where a splendid view of the sun sinking below the horizon could be found.

“Got something you’d like to explain, Twinkletoes?”

Of course, Zuko thought sourly, leave it to Toph to draw attention to it. The skilled Earth bender would have felt the movement of Aang’s feet against the floor, or lack thereof in this case, as well as the rhythm of his internal organs and pulse.

Sokka turned towards them, after hearing Toph speak. His eyes, Zuko noticed, roved between them. Beside him, Zuko did not hear Aang move away, nor did he move closer.

“Is there a reason you two are standing so close to each other?” Sokka demanded.

Before Zuko could answer, Aang wound his left arm around Zuko’s waist. 

Katara’s cheeks reddened, but her eyes bespoke her support.

“Well, my work here is done,” Toph said. 

Sokka, however, was unconvinced.

“What on earth is happening?”

“Change, Sokka, change,” Aang replied.

It was not an outright proclamation, but it was as good as. Zuko felt his heart swell with happiness. 

“Okay, I did not see that coming, but I support you both, either way.”

“Thank you,” Zuko managed.

Aang squeezed his waist slightly, which prompted Zuko to look up at him. In spite of the others around them, all he could see were the eyes alight with happiness staring at him as if he himself had risen the sun.

Katara cleared her throat, which garnered both his and Aang’s attention. The two tore their gazes from each other to find the mildly uncomfortable looks they were receiving.

“It looks like you’re in good hands, Zuko. We’ll leave you both to rest for the evening. We should all have breakfast together tomorrow though.”

Although Zuko felt no ill will towards a single one of them, his mind drifted far from the conversation that ensued, wishing that they were already out of the door. From beside him, Aang agreed to what Katara had proposed, and the two discussed plans while everyone else waited for them to finish. Soon, much quicker than Zuko had expected, they all departed through the door, with promises of meeting on the morrow.

Aang shut the door behind them, while Zuko placed himself on the front edge of his bed. Soon, the Fire bender found himself enveloped in another embrace, where orange clothes and the smell of the earlier evening meal was all he knew. Rather than allowing doubt to separate them now, Zuko gave himself permission to melt into the embrace.

* * *

Hours later, Zuko laid with his arms wrapped around Aang, who slept with his head curled into the crook of the Fire Lord’s right arm. The snoring had begun minutes before. However, Zuko could not seem to find it in himself to drift into the sort of peaceful sleep that Aang had.

Zuko extricated himself carefully, hoping that he would not wake the sleeping Avatar. Once he was free of the excess limbs that had surrounded him, he donned the slip from earlier as well as other garments, and then strolled to the balcony. As the night that Aang had arrived, it was a beautiful one. 

Zuko reached down and grasped the railing in front of him - the metal was cool to the touch. Shivers ran rampant through his body until he brought a small heat to the surface of his skin to act as a guard between him and the metal he had latched onto. 

Firebending and the Fire Lord had a tenuous relationship; fire had the power to kill, and quickly. Bending in the wrong way and it could cause devastation, as it had done in his father’s time and previous generations. However, as an element, it felt right. The ability to guide it and incite it coursed through his veins, as did his humanity and all that it entailed. The balance between them remained well kept, but that could only be attributed to Zuko’s insistence on avoiding the sins of his father, and his before him. 

Not to mention the advice that Uncle Iroh and countless others had instilled in him at a young age. Thoughts of his younger self, determined to prove his father as well as his whole nation wrong, pained him as they flew into his mind’s eye. That version of himself had been lost, but only with the help of others. It had not been easy.

Behind him, a sound rent itself into the air in the form of an anguished cry. Pivoting around, Zuko could see Aang thrashing in his bed as if he were fighting off an invisible assailant. The night before, Aang had given no indication, even in his sleep, that he still endured any nightmares. The current one, however, was another matter.

Zuko understood nightmares; he re-lived his past mistakes within his own often enough. Despite his turn around in his later years of adolescence, he still could not slough off the weight of his errors from years past. They were an ever present niggling reminder that he had once been less, and could easily become that again. Though he had become aware that eliciting a promise from Aang years ago to end him should he stray was a terrible plan, the idea of that occurring still plagued him, even as he worked in the hope that he could continue to aid in the betterment of their world.

With caution the Fire Lord paced towards his bed then allowed himself to ease onto the top of it beside Aang, who had at the present ceased his violent movements. Fully clothed still, he moved to where he was on his side, with his arm propped up under his head, which rested on his right hand. He then placed his hand on Aang’s shoulder, and lightly jostled him awake.

At first, Aang’s eyes were wild. After a few moments though, his mind caught up with him and the lines of exhaustion became more prevalent as he sighed. 

“I was having a nightmare, wasn’t I?”

Zuko nodded. 

“Did I wake you?”

“No, I was out on the balcony when I heard you yelling.”

“I’m sorry, I -”

“Don’t apologize, Aang. I still have them too.”

This made Aang relax visibly, with a few worry line creases disappearing as he chose to lie back against the pillows with his arms tucked behind his head.

“How often do you have them?”

Zuko glanced out at the night, where moonlight pooled in from. His mind then drifted back through his most recent memories. 

Since Iroh’s death, his fears had metastasized, and all been brought to the forefront of his thoughts. His Uncle had usually been the one to keep him grounded, or allay his fears, when no one else could. Now, his presence was greatly missed by many, but to Zuko most of all. 

It was true that his mother had returned with his youngest sister in tow. The addition of them to the palace had been a welcome one, which had brought much joy. However, Iroh had raised him for the bulk of his life in his mother’s absence. Though he loves her, she will never be to him what Iroh was. 

A hand waved in front of his face. 

“Are you okay?”

Realizing he had lost himself to his thoughts, he shook his head, and then glanced towards Aang, whose face held lines of worry now not for himself but Zuko instead.

“Yes, sorry. I lost track of my thoughts.”

Zuko watched as Aang pursed his lips.

For a brief moment, he wondered if the airbender meant to kiss him. Then, he felt himself being guided into Aang’s arms. Reluctantly, as he was not the one who seemed to need the attention, he allowed it. However, once in the embrace, his mind led him on a track that led to him crying all over Aang’s chest.

Strong hands carded through his long, dark hair, and rubbed ministrations of little circles into his back. These motions were his thread to sanity, as he fought to maintain his grip on it, though the tide of sadness threatened to swallow him whole. The person holding onto him was a beacon to him as he waded through an endless sea of grief. 

The two remained in that position for some time, or at least until Zuko felt he had no more tears left to cry. At that point, he pulled himself up from the bed, then mumbled something about freshening up. This left Aang alone to his thoughts, and excess tears to remove from his person. 

Within the confines of his wash room, Zuko splashed water across his face. 

Mourning was not easy, or pretty. He knew this, and accommodated for that when necessary. This sort, was grief of the worst kind, as it had begun by the death of the most important person to have ever been in his life. However, that did not mean he cared for it. He was well aware that no amount of sadness displayed inward or outward, would bring his Uncle back. That did not make the heft of his sadness any easier to bear. 

* * *

When Zuko returned, Aang was up and pacing about the room. At his entrance, Aang looked up at him and stopped near the doorway to the balcony. He regarded Zuko from that spot, assessing him as he presented himself from the other side of the room. Zuko remained rooted to the spot he had halted at, allowing himself to be scrutinized.

Since his Uncle had passed, he had been asked by others how he felt. Were he not Fire Lord, he might have the ability to allow his emotions to be on display more publicly. However, he was the Fire Lord - the head of state and leader of a nation; he could not appear weak, lest those seeking revenge for past crimes should think it a chance to try their hand at removing him from his office. Even so, he was human, and his mind’s loose change had been spent.

His shoulders sagged, then he ambled to his bed.

“May I join you?”

“Yes.”

Once the two were wrapped around each other, Zuko found that this time, he was able to fall asleep much more easily.

* * *

The next morning dawned bright and early. After having been up for a good portion of the night, Zuko had discovered little interest in rising out of bed. Even Aang, who had the habit of being up before anyone else, had remained in bed beside him for much longer. Waking to the other’s presence beside him though, was a welcome change to the solitary way he did most days. 

Still, there was a breakfast he and Aang had promised to attend, and regardless of how he felt, and whatever Aang might be to him now, he could not see missing it, as he knew that soon each of the original gang would be leaving to return to their own responsibilities. That Aang was included in that struck a chord of sadness within him, but it was inevitable, and therefore, unavoidable. That alone had propelled him out of bed. After a flurry of mundane morning tasks, both he and Aang had embarked to meet their friends outside by the duck ponds.

The bright, warm sun greeted the pair as they walked side by side out into the light of day. A light breeze made itself known by inviting his hair to dance with it. As Zuko had not put it all up, some of it did as he continued to walk towards the water’s edge where Sokka, Katara, and Toph had all set up a blanket with a delicious meal strewn atop it between them all. 

Appa and Momo were both close by, eating their own food. The two were a welcome sight for Aang, Zuko was sure. His suspicions were confirmed when Aang ran full speed towards Appa, giving him a large hug on the snout. Momo hopped up on Aang’s shoulder, and nuzzled him affectionately, as Appa licked Aang. 

“Well it’s about time,” Sokka exclaimed.

“Sokka,” Katara enunciated slowly.

Her voice was as sharp as the look on her face that she aimed at her brother.

“Give it a rest, Katara. You can’t tell me you weren’t thinking it too.”

Zuko heard Toph, but from the corner of his eye he noticed her smack Sokka’s arm too. 

Unlike before, Sokka remained silent after that, which Zuko silently thanked Toph for. Glancing away from that silent conversation, Zuko noticed Aang walking back towards them.

“Sorry we were late. I had, uh, had some trouble sleeping last night.”

“I wonder why,” Toph mumbled just loud enough that the five of them could hear. 

Toph’s comment earned her a sharp look from Katara, which Zuko caught the tail end of before the water bender glanced back at Aang.   
“Was it the nightmares, again?”

Katara’s face was filled with concern as she waited for an answer.

Aang, whose legs were now crossed in front of him as he held his morning meal, nodded. Just as Zuko could ill afford to admit to weakness, the Avatar felt a similar weight too. Regardless of his accomplishments, there were those who believed they stood a chance against Aang, and for that reason, in later years, Aang had become more careful about when and where he discussed matters such as that. 

“Less talking, more eating.”

“Eloquent, Sokka,” Katara shot at her brother. Then, as they all dropped down together 

she looked towards Aang and said, “If you need to talk, let me know.”

Aang nodded, and said, “Thank you, Katara.”

Zuko, who had placed himself close to Aang, felt out of his depth. Though he had been 

there last night whilst Aang was in the throes of his nightmares, rather than help him with them, he had heaped on another worry to the Avatar’s full plate. The thought made him ill. Suddenly, the meal before him no longer seemed appealing. 

“I apologize, but I just remembered a matter I need to attend to. Thank you all for the 

meal. I’m sorry I could not enjoy more of it.”

Without another word, Zuko was on his feet and walking in a direction that would take 

him anywhere but where he had been. 

Once out of sight of prying eyes, Zuko found a wall, and leaned against it. He hoped that 

no guard or other person would pass by and notice his momentary lapse of observance of public decorum. Inhaling and exhaling, he attempted to regain control of the spiral of thoughts he had found himself sliding down. The descent, if he were not careful, would land him in a mental rock bottom. That was not at all where he intended to be, for the sake of others around him, or himself.

A whoosh and feet collided with the ground to make a sound echo in the otherwise empty hallway. Aang had ridden an air bubble to reach him, so that he would have no chance to notice his footsteps. In his tangled emotions, this angered Zuko.

“What are you doing here? You should be out there, with your friends.”

His voice bounced loudly around them.

Aang crossed his arms across his chest.

“They’re your friends too.”

Logic did not collide well with his rising temper.

“You haven’t seen them in months! Go, spend time with them! Don’t waste your time with me when any second they could be gone!”

Before Aang could utter something understanding and equally infuriating, Zuko spun around and stormed off further into the palace. He did not wait to see if he was being followed. Though he knew the Avatar was capable, he hoped that the man would take the hint and leave well enough alone. Deep within him, though he largely felt angry, a part of him also wished that Aang would chase after him.

A voice, a softer one than Aang’s, caught his attention as he strode through the corridors alone. Its soft laughter contrasted the anger that still coursed through Zuko, however irrational it was. Aang, unbeknownst to him, was not to blame, but still, Zuko had allowed himself to make it seem so in an effort to find a few moments of peace. He hoped that later he could make amends with him, but for now, Zuko needed space.

Kiyi’s voice became faint as she went elsewhere. However, his mother soon appeared before him moments later. 

“Zuko, is everything alright dear?”

She reached up tentatively and touched his right shoulder while a look of concern settled itself onto her face.

Zuko sighed

“Not yet, but I hope it will be.”

He was ashamed of himself again, and he was not proud to admit that, not even to Ursa.

“Is this about your Uncle?”

“Yes, and no.”

He looked up at Ursa.

She smiled at him then, encouraging him to continue.

“I may have allowed my anger to speak for me.”

That, he knew, was an understatement.

“Would you like to talk about it?’

Were it most people offering, he would have declined. However, this was his mother. She was one of few exceptions.

He nodded.

“Come, talk with me, my son.”

Together, the pair began to walk the far reaching hall in silence, as both of them waited for Zuko to speak. He was unsure though, of where to begin. What he had with Aang, if it was still intact after his outburst, was nascent in nature, and therefore fragile. Should he allow her to know the extent of his emotions regarding the Avatar? Without context though, it seemed futile to discuss the matter at all though. 

“I lashed out at Aang for exhibiting concern after I fled from breakfast with him and some of our friends.”

Ursa considered his statement for a moment, before looking over to her son.

“I see.”

Zuko stopped, unwilling to walk further for the time being. If he was to tell his mother of his connection to Aang, then he would do it while looking her in the eye.

“I care for him.”

“Zuko, would you be so upset at your outburst if you did not?”

Ursa smiled, but Zuko wondered if she understood. Whether or not she did, she was about to, he determined.

“Last night, I woke him from his nightmares. Instead of comforting him, I fell into his arms and sobbed because Iroh is gone, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.”

“Oh, Zuko.”

She reached out to draw him close, and because she was his mother, he allowed himself to be drawn into the embrace. In her arms, he felt content, happy even, if he were honest. However, he could not help but be reminded of Aang whom, much as he loved his mother, he would rather be drawing to his body instead. Still, he was grateful for the tenderness, as it allowed him a rare comfort that as Fire Lord he did not receive often. As he pulled away, Ursa bestowed a kiss on his forehead. 

Rose blemishes bloomed on his cheeks. 

He then turned from her, and found his attention on the day out of doors. 

“You have the right to be sad. However, do not let it define you, Zuko. Live your life, and 

care for his pain too, as he does with yours.”

Zuko nodded.

“I should go speak with Aang now. Thank you, Mother.”

Ursa inclined her head and kissed his forehead.

“Anytime. Now, I think I’d better catch up with Noren and Kiyi to see what they’re up to. Good luck with your talk, Zuko. I hope it goes well.”

One more kindly smile shot his way, and his mother disappeared into the depths of the palace, leaving him alone to his thoughts. 

It was tempting to remain in that hall, or perhaps traipse further into his life long home. However, he was aware that to take that course of action would be unwise. His time was limited, and he knew this meant that he should treasure it. Pivoting on his foot, he walked confidently back to where the rest of those he sought out remained.

What he found once out in the bright day again, was a sight he had not expected; Toph laid across Sokka’s chest, with his arms firmly around her as if anchoring her to him. Sokka’s eyes were drawn to Zuko’s before he could look away. The look of challenge in Sokka’s eyes dared Zuko to say something, while Toph for once, did not have a comment though Zuko was aware that she knew he was there.

“Is Aang around?”

“He and Katara walked that way,” Sokka responded.

He lifted his arm and pointed in the direction that they had gone to.

“Thank you.”

Sokka nodded, and then returned his attention to the woman in his arms. 

For Zuko, it was an odd sight, but not one he found repulsive. Regardless, he knew his opinion was unnecessary, so he continued in the direction that Sokka had denoted, hoping that he would not find Aang and Katara in the throes of a passionate embrace. He would not blame Aang if this was what he would be met with, however, it would still hurt greatly, even so.

As he walked, he listened, and hoped he would find them soon. 

Not long after he had crested over a hill that led elsewhere on palace property, did Zuko find the two, seated on the grass apart from one another, on the other side of a large tree. He could hear Aang speaking, so he tread closer, hoping not to be heard just yet. 

“What if I can’t be there for him in the ways that he needs, Katara? I want to be, I just don’t know how.”

Zuko paused, and pursed his lips.

That indecision was caused by his outburst earlier, he knew. It panged him that Aang sounded as if he felt that he had done something wrong, when in fact it was quite the opposite. 

“It sounds like you’ve done all you can, Aang. If he doesn’t appreciate that, then that is 

no fault of your own. He may be grieving, but that does not give him the right to treat you badly.”

“I don’t think he meant to, Katara. He’s just not handling the anger caused by his grief well.”

“Yes, well, just be sure that he doesn’t make a habit out of it. You are not a punching bag.”

Before Aang could speak again, Zuko chose to walk forward and let his presence be known. 

Katara’s eyes were the first to lock with his. He could see the threat in them without her having to utter a word. 

“Am I interrupting something?”

“That depends,” Katara began, but Aang hopped to his feet seconds later and said, “No.”

Him doing so effectively cut her off. 

She grimaced, but rose to her feet as well. 

“We’ll have to leave soon, Aang. I’ll go rouse the others so that we can all say goodbye.”

Once she had walked far enough away, Zuko turned to Aang. 

“I apologize for how I reacted earlier. I was angry at myself, not you. I lashed out though, and that was unacceptable. I hope you will accept my apology, and the promise that I will do better in the future.”

Aang considered Zuko, crossing his arms as he did. 

He did not speak right away, nor did he nod to affirm that he accepted the suggestion that had been placed before him.

The quacking of turtle ducks could be heard in the expanse of silence that Aang allowed to develop like a chasm between them. 

Finally, he tipped back his head and looked Zuko squarely in the eyes. 

“Is that what you want with me, Zuko, a future? If we’re going to risk our friendship, I need to know that we’re on the same page, because what we do not only impacts us, but the world.”

Their friendship on the world stage had been a strong but contentious one, depending on who was asked. If this tentative future which they were considering happened to go sour, then it could have negative consequences farther down the line. His father and Azula would balk at a love match, rather than a marriage, but Zuko had flouted traditions before this one. To do so for another one, he did have to consider though, as Aang had said, whether it would be worth it. 

The statesman in him was wary, but his heart yearned to plunge forward, so he allowed it to take the lead. 

“I think we would be foolish not to try.”

Aang sighed.

“My duty to the people of every nation, it can be stressful. The time that I have to be away could be lengthy, so you could be alone a great deal of the time we’re together. Is that something you can be okay with?”

Zuko knew all too well the toll that being a leader could take on a person. In the decade and a half that he had reigned, he felt he had aged thirty years instead of fifteen. Still, he knew that the knowledge that he let something like this slip through his fingers would serve to age him further, if he were to allow it to drift away for good.

“I understand, Aang.”

Zuko could hear Sokka and the rest of Team Avatar making their way back over to them, but still he held Aang’s gaze. 

“This won’t be easy, you know.” 

To this, Zuko had only one answer. 

“Nothing worth having ever is.”

Shortly after he said this, Zuko found himself engulfed in Aang’s arms.

The turtle ducks quacked, and the guards marched, some pointing from their various posts at the spectacle that he and the Avatar were making, the Fire Lord was sure. He couldn’t care less about that, nor the niggling feeling that the future might crush them, rather than bolster them. In that moment, all he knew was happiness, and for the first time in a while, he embraced that feeling instead.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the bulk of this over a year ago as a gift for a friend, but have tried to edit it as I can.
> 
> I hope you like it Penn! Sorry it took so long!


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